November 23

To offset my budget issues I relied partially on shoplifting.  I grabbed a carton of cigarettes from behind a counter at a grocery store, added a few fried pies and walked out the door.  I may not have been the stealthiest of thieves, but I was reasonably certain that I wasn’t spotted.  In fact, I might have been spotted on camera, because on a subsequent trip I spied a couple of people running to the back of the store.  There was a stairway there, leading to the upper level where there was a row of two-way glass the length of the store.  I figured someone was on to me, so I grabbed my usual assortment of snacks and calmly walked to the register and paid for them.  I then stopped shopping and shoplifting there altogether.

One particular night I was bored and attempted to find my tank driving buddies on base.  Unfortunately it was way too late at night and there were very few people out and about.  One of those people was the base Military Police, who asked me to pull over.  They were polite but firm and wanted to know what I was doing.  I explained.  I’m not sure they were convinced, and they asked me what I had on the back of my bike.  It was my pool cue.  They asked me to open it which I did, and then they asked me to leave the premises.  They were also kind enough to escort me.  But hey, at least it wasn’t boring…

I checked out of the hotel and rode up to Lake Worth.  Now that I was a free man I decided to touch base with old friends and classmates.  I called Gary and he met me at the McDonalds.  For some reason he wasn’t nearly as excited as I was about hanging out and basically encouraged me to go back to my wife.  What a party pooper!  So I made some phone calls and ended up talking to, well — let’s call her Dawn.  I’m not protecting her, I’m protecting my own dignity.  Somehow my memories of her and what she looked like were very off.  Perhaps I had her confused with someone else, I’m not sure.  But in one phone conversation I received fairly good assurances that I might get a bit of a threesome going, or some sort of sex.  So I went to her house and met her husband ‘Bill.’  She peeked in from another room, said hi, and went back to doing something in the kitchen.  I chatted with Bill a minute while my mind was working overtime to figure out how to make a hasty retreat.  Holy cow, and I do mean cow!  I wasn’t that desperate.  I told Bill I needed to secure a few things on my bike and did a jog, hopped on, strapped on the helmet, cranked it up and took off!  I laughed all the way down the street at my stupidity.

I somehow managed to get into my parents’ house and pilfer a credit card from my mom’s purse.  I bought one night at a very nice downtown hotel and called an old flame from school, Bethany.  We caught up briefly and I invited her up for some partying but she was unavailable.  So I ended up watching porn and jerking off.  Not exactly the high time I was expecting back in my hometown.  The next day I motored back to Killeen and on the way my bike ran out of gas.  Actually, it wasn’t out but the gas gauge was broken and I didn’t know anything about using the reserve fuel.  I finally retrieved some gas from a gas station and finished the trip.

At some point I had a brainstorm.  Maybe I should sign up for the military!  If there was anyone who could use a bit of regimented daily structure, it was me.  And it came with benefits and pay!  And housing assistance!  I thought about it some more, and chose the Navy.  My dad had served during the Korean War and I thought it would make him proud and give my family some stability.  Maybe we could patch things up after all.  Maybe I could be productive and stable and do something right for once.  Maybe.

I talked to a Navy recruiter who had me take the ASVAB test.  The results were (supposedly) that I qualified for any job I wanted to pursue except for Nuclear Sub Technician, since they had a lower age threshold.  I was scheduled to go to Dallas for a physical in a couple of days.  I went back to my favorite strip club and talked Victoria into joining me for a late breakfast.  I really enjoyed eating at Denny’s accompanied by a hot young woman wearing shorts, a t-shirt and a fluorescent purple wig.  Afterwards I asked if there was any chance of me staying the night on her couch as I was due for the physical the next day and had no place to stay and no money left.  I should have saved the money I had just spent because she declined.

I drove around for awhile trying to figure out a place to stay.  I ended up going back to Denny’s to hang out.  Then it occurred to me to call Deeanne and tell her what was going on, and maybe she would forgive me for being so stupid.  So I called and my dad answered the phone.  Evidently they had been called.  Between the two of them they assured me that I was wanted and forgiven, but they strongly urged me to let them come pick me up that very night.  They did not entertain the thought of me joining the military for even a moment.

In hindsight I should have ignored them and done the physical and signed up.  I have many times wondered how things would have turned out if I had done so.  But I gave in and they drove to Killeen and picked me up.  I rode home in the back seat with my wife and my new daughter.  Anna Marie was born while I had been gone.  This only further drove home the truth that had been building up in my mind.  I was reckless, shifty, irresponsible and generally a failure.  And can it possibly get much worse than running away from your family while your own child was being born?  I didn’t think so.

The repercussions were numerous.  I tried to explain and settle down and forgive and forget.  Our parents all tried to help.  Deeanne was much more subdued and willing to give up some of the control she exercised over my time and location.  This was actually the best way to help me deal with a general feeling of being trapped and pressured, but it was basically too little too late.  I started bowling a couple of times a week when I wasn’t working.  I started doing temp jobs in Austin again.  I found out that the Attorney General’s office had been about to hire me when I took off.  Great timing, as usual.  Deeanne got a job at a day care in Round Rock and kept the kids there with her.  It was really the perfect fit.  Any sort of career desire that she had was geared toward child care and education, and the kids weren’t out of sight.
I also had to take a couple of hot check classes.  I got the ‘hot check/felony’ class where I expected drill sergeants but it was just class time and mild counseling.  I think my dad paid the checks and fees off to the District Attorney and put it on my tab.  My tab seemed to be growing.

We also, as part of my penance, began attending Deeanne’s church, where she had grown up.  We put in a lot of work with child care and youth bible studies.  Why any one trusted me with that I’ll never know.

And then came that fateful day.  It was the last day I would ever live with my family again.  It was about six months after I had returned and things were going well.  I got a call from a temp agency to line me up with a job the next day.  I called Deeanne to tell her about it and she mentioned that she would be home within the hour.  As soon as I hung up, a thought popped into my head:

“If you’re going to go, you’d better do it now!”

Now most of us have experienced these random thoughts, such as thinking about swerving off the road and hitting a bridge support.  But most of us instantly realize how stupid such a thought is.  We don’t follow through.  But when that thought crossed my mind I panicked and was out of the house within ten minutes.  I drove straight to Killeen.  But Victoria wasn’t at the club and my tank buddies weren’t either.  It occurred to me to check on Robin.  Evidently he had left his family too and I thought he might be a kindred spirit.  And he was, to a certain extent.  I stayed with him in Georgetown a couple of days and met Kip and Amber and a few other assorted friends.  I participated in an interesting jam session at his house one night, attempting to pick out keyboard parts to some classic rock tunes.  I also went on a drug run but no one shared.

I needed money as usual so I used the key I had to let myself in to the church and look for valuables.  It was pitch black and I felt my way around the office looking for any sort of money but never found any.  I made my way to the auditorium and relieved them of all of their microphones, which I tucked into coat pockets and my boots.  I took them back to Robin’s house with plans to sell them to a pawn shop, but he eventually talked me into giving them to him — evidently he had musical plans, and he was about to take a trip to New Mexico, move there actually.  So I gave them up and I’m not sure if I ever got anything in return.

The next day I was somewhere in Georgetown, I honestly forget where, and was pulled over by the police and asked to come in for questioning.  I confessed what they already knew.  They said the church would not press charges if I helped them out, and I agreed.  They asked me to go back to Robin’s house and do some spying for them.  Evidently Robin was on their radar.  I did so, and when I reported back there wasn’t much to tell.  I didn’t find the microphones or cables, I didn’t see any drugs, no weapons.  They seemed to be satisfied and I was free to go.

The next day Robin was ready to leave.  I told him I had a car if he needed it.  We went back to my trailer and I either had the keys for it or found them in the house, I really don’t remember which.  He took the car and we went back to his house and loaded up his clothes and gear.  I think I was on the title, but I’m not sure.  As a matter of fact, it might have been in Deeanne’s name since her dad had bought it for her after one of my runaway episodes.  So off we went to New Mexico.  And here’s a strange one for you — not once on the whole trip did it ever occur to me that perhaps I should have kept the car for myself!  Not once!  I don’t think I was thinking to clearly during this time.

The only detail we talked about ahead of time was that the trip ended in Taos.  That’s all I knew.  It wasn’t long before he went on ahead since I was taking extra breaks and making more stops than he wanted to.  I probably stole gas from about half of the stations I used, if not more.  Eventually I approached the New Mexico border in the late afternoon.  As I neared Clovis a massive thunderhead rose up over the western horizon, a black and purple mass throwing lightning bolts everywhere.  I gave the throttle a little extra and pulled into a convenience store just in time to escape the storm’s wrath.  I got something to snack on and sat at a table to wait it out.  Eventually the weather cleared and I got back on the road, heading west.  Before I got out of town I was passed by Robin!  I was somehow ahead of him.  He pulled over and we talked and he told me which road he was taking.  He was going to drive through the night.  I think he had some meth but he claimed he didn’t and if he did he obviously wasn’t going to share.

Before long I was riding through the crisp New Mexican air and getting drowsy.  I started dodging things that weren’t in the road, like giant ice cream cones and clown punching bags.  I finally gave up in Tucumcari and pulled into a motel for the night.  In the morning I was broke and out of options.  I had remorse and decided to go back home and do whatever I could to fix things.  First I called my dad and talked to them about coming back home.  Then I called Deeanne and told her I wanted to do whatever it took to repair things, and I was truly sincere.  I rode my bike into Lubbock and called around and found a junk yard willing to buy the bike off of me.  They did so and gave me a ride to the bus station.  I had just enough money for the ticket to Austin.  While I was waiting for the bus to arrive a complete stranger asked if I wanted to split a joint with him.  I was amazed that someone would admit to a stranger that they were holding.  What if I was a cop?  I still thought of myself as a straight-laced guy and my hair certainly wasn’t down to my shoulders.  Maybe I looked worse than I knew.  Maybe my eyes were shifty.  Who knows.  So I got high and then got on the bus and slept most of the way to Austin.